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We find out we’re pregnant and get into action. We take the pre-natal classes, read a book or two, create a killer baby registry and talk to our friends who are moms. We go into parenthood feeling fully prepared. Then, the baby is born. (Gulp.) Yikes! Here’s how this Mommy came into being.

Lulu was born. We took her home. I recovered from the c-section. Jeremy went back to work. Struggling to breastfeed a reflux-y infant, keeping on top of baby laundry, changing diapers, walking dogs and receiving visits from family and friends, I had no time to eat nor take care of myself. I felt lost. Afraid. Not that I could articulate that at the time.

I went into a manic panic that nearly broke the bank. If I could fill our nest with the very best things, would I be fulfilling my duty as a good parent? Nothing relaxed me. Nothing.

Now that Lulu is 2, it’s clear to me that as our daughter was a newborn, so were her father and I: newly born, never-before parents. Part of me was flailing and vulnerable to the world, and yet I was expected to have command of the situation. A mother knows what to do, we are told. How could I possibly cope with the guilt and dread of not knowing? What would become of my child if I wasn’t in charge?

Of course, I realize now, I was in charge. I did “know” what to do because every day was filled with the doing of it. Baby was growing, prospering, smiling, talking, singing, sitting, crawling, and laughing – perhaps despite me. I was then and am still engaged in becoming a parent. Like you, I love my child and want to be the best mother I can. My mother-in-law, finally frustrated with all my reading, outside advice and quotes from parenting specialists told me to “go out into the forest and see what kind of mother YOU are.” So, I did. That comment started me on my journey to becoming a mother, although the baby was already here.

A recent article stated that it takes most parents about 4-1/2 months to feel like they’re getting the hang of it. In my case, it was closer to Lulu’s 8-month mark. She was finally sleeping, weaned, crawling and playing. It took that amount of time to see the books, parenting experts, sleep specialists, pediatrician, nurses, grandparents and well-meaning friends for what they were: bumpers in the pinball game of my own intuition. My path to parenting confidently included seeing a therapist for post-partum anxiety, joining a stellar parenting group, developing a few close friendships with like-minded mommies, and re-reading books like “Becoming the Parent You Want to Be” and “Your Self-Confident Baby,” all of which solidified my parenting “style”. It took a village to make me a parent, but becoming the mother I am actually made me more myself. I trust myself better, love myself more and tolerate my imperfections with more compassion.

I don’t presume to have the market cornered on parenting. There are little failures (and sometimes big ones) on any given day. But if I can mostly remain intentional, engaged and empathetic, then, when my head hits the pillow, I know I’ve done my best to raise a confident, loving, compassionate human being. A human being whose existence has brought forth some of my darkest fears and given me the fortitude to conquer them.

Just think, now I have 10 years to prep for parenting an adolescent!

Full disclosure: I started this post before the current Carter’s ad campaign began running that uses this same idea. After seeing the TV ad, I put the post on hold but have decided that the article addresses more than the topic of the campaign. I hope you agree.